Why am I using this as my “catch phrase” you may wonder? Well, years ago, when my youngest was 4 years old, I was told by a friend that she wanted to be like me. What she actually said is, “When I grow-up, I want to be just like you. Though we are the same age, I feel as if you have this down, compared to me. I am a mess”. At the time we were both moms to 3 children. She would go on to point out that she felt my house was neater (well, my house was smaller and easier to keep picked-up and did not have an open floor plan). She said that I arrived to everything on time with my kids all looking good (but other things had to be sacrificed for that to happen, such as home-cooked breakfasts). There were many examples she spewed at me. The truth, however, was that I was a mess too. I just wore my mask better. I just had a different system to deal with the mess, or hide it. No Mom is ever perfect. Every mom has a junk drawer, junk closet, or messy basement. We all hide our mess differently.
Now, I am still told that I appear confident. That I appear organized. That I handle stress well. Well…. I am afraid that is not who I am all the time. My husband, Joe, has seen me break down. My children (Jasmin, Maya, Joseph & Lorelei) have all heard me yell. They are all my backbone at times, and are the only reason I make it to my feet some mornings. I am not perfect. You are not perfect. We were not meant to be. So, as everyone reads through my posts, I want you all to keep in mind that you are capable. You are strong. You can. Even though it may not seem like it today… because, well, today, in your life, the baby is teething and screaming relentlessly, while the dog just had an accident on the living room carpet, and you burned dinner and the smoke alarm went off, only to cause the toddler to start to howl. Not to mention you are behind on rent, and your car is making a funny noise, and your four year old tried to flush your cell phone. And right now, you are sitting in your closet, head between your knees having a good cry. Or perhaps, you are running on your treadmill until you feel like puking, or you left your spouse with the kids and the mess to clean up and you are sitting at a bar nursing a drink (because you are responsible and never get drunk) and you just need a moment to hide from the reality of your life. Yep. I have been there. More than once. You cry until there are no more tears. You run until you cannot take one more step. You get encouragement from a stranger, or from your drink, and then you brush it all off. You say a prayer. And you tell yourself that tomorrow will be better.
I am not Wonder Woman. God did not make a world full of people with Super Powers, but he gave us skills, and ability, and minds to think. We each have so much to give back, but we all need help sometimes. I have been in a place lately where I need extra help. Where I am the weak one. Where Joe has to pick up my slack. I know, he reminds me that just 2 years ago it was the opposite, but still…. I feel guilty at times. I am human. I am Not Wonder Woman. I need a rest.